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Have you ever asked yourself this question and been astounded by your own answer. I think it’s time we get to the bottom of this mental question that we ask ourselves often. Who cares what people think?
Social acceptance is important!!!
The answer? We all do! We all care very much what others think about us, it is human nature. We are all inexplicably linked with one another as social beings who need each other to thrive on this planet. It’s a fact of life that we are intertwined with others. Without love, we would die. We need each other to live healthy, happy lives.
But what gives? Does this mean that we are prisoners to the whims of others? Well, that’s a bit more complicated. Some of us are and some of us aren’t.
The fact is, yes, we need people to survive. We are intertwined in a grid of relationships and a psyche that forms its identity based on the reactions and interactions of others. We can’t function apart from connection with the collective whole. We are separate, and yet we are together. What others think of us is important–to a certain extent.
We need affirmation and approval of others to feel good about ourselves, to have self esteem. We each need love and support and acceptance. The key is choice. Just like we have a choice of how to feel about our own selves, we also have a choice as to who we allow into our lives and our hearts. Making the right decision about who we let into our lives is paramount to achieving success and greatness.
Who cares what people think? We do. You know how it feels when you are rejected, or you meet with disapproval. It hurts. It hurts badly. But, in the course of life, and in the course of being ourselves and living out our true purpose and destiny, there is a guarantee that we will meet up with disapproval.
Approval is a whole different animal. We all need approval to live fulfilled lives. Some people need an overabundance of approval to be happy. When I was younger, I could barely do anything without getting a slew of approval from everyone around me. When you are dependent on the approval of others, your life is not your own. You are a prisoner to approval. Everything you do is constantly judged and criticized by those outside of you.
If you care about what other people think, you will always be their prisoner. ~ James Frey #quotes
Everyone needs affection and approval. We all desire…
1. To be liked
2. To please other people
3. To meet the expectations of others
If you go overboard, you become extremely sensitive to …
1. Rejection
2. Criticism
3. Fear anger of others
If you are operating based on what others think, or in trying to impress others with your life and accomplishments, then you are not being true to you.
It’s crucial that you get to know yourself so you can be yourself and express your unique purpose on this earth, your gift to mankind which is that inside of you, in your heart.
The truth is, you are in control. You control who holds the reigns of your life. If you have an internal Locus of Control, then you feel you are the one who drives your approval or disapproval. If you have an External Locus of Control, or Others Focused, then you focus your good feelings on those who are outside of you. This kind of mental construct is damaging and will lead to a life of strife. You are the only approver of you. No one else can be your judge, only you.
You must make the choice to be around people who see greatness in you and see you as the great and wonderful person that God has created you to be.
On some levels, you do want to be cognizant of what others think of you. For example, you want to maintain a stellar reputation regarding matters of character and integrity. You want to keep your name good and make a good impression on others. The level at which I’m saying to disregard the thoughts and opinions of others concerning you is not at the moral level. I think it’s important that we all have moral standards, or else the world would be awash with filth. It is on the level of you doing what it takes to fulfill your own purpose, and to be true to your own personality and personal nature.
This premise is aside from the spiritual realm, where we have God and the desire to please God. I’m talking about interactions with other people here. No matter who the other person is in your life that you feel holds the power to approve or disapprove of you, no matter who it is, if you allow that approval or disapproval to influence your actions, then that person owns you. You do not own yourself.
This is why it is so important that we put our lives in the right hands. We must make sure that the people in our inner circle are trust worthy, and have the right mindset. The key is to find others who are secure in themselves. People who are insecure will not be able to build us up, but will tear us down out of envy. This is called Crab Mentality.
Crab Mentality occurs when a person is excelling in a particular group, and the others in the group try to pull the person back. It comes from the premise that crabs in a bucket will sabotage the escape of one crab trying to get over the edge of the bucket. When one tries to get away, another crab will pull it back. It’s the premise that says, “If I can’t get out, neither can you.”
This kind of mentality is common when you are breaking out of the mold and setting out to achieve success and to fulfill your life’s purpose. Chances are, when you break out, there will be others who are envious of your success or envious of your willingness to go beyond the norms and be yourself and shine in the spotlight.
When this happens, you will feel the tug. You may even feel very alone. I think this is one of the reasons someone made up the saying, “It’s lonely at the top.” One of the reasons it’s lonely at the top, other than the fact that few people are willing to do what it takes to get to the top, is also because people are envious when you make it to the top, so they either try to pull you down, or desert you. It comes with the territory. If you wish to be successful, be prepared. There will be those around you–some even very close to you–who would rather you fail.
This is not always a blatant desire. There could be people around you who are envious and want you to fail who aren’t even aware of their own desires. This leaning could be subconscious. It’s not always purposeful.
Studies performed on groups show that when one person is out there, giving it his all, the others in the group try their best to distract him. If you wish to succeed and break the barriers of those around you, then you will need to be prepared to be ridiculed and distracted by others.
How others see you is based on their own grid, their own paradigm. Taking the opinions of others and incorporating them into your behavior is craziness! While it’s nice to have approval and have others liking you, you must be sure not to operate in order to gain approval, but rather to be who you truly are.
The fact is, we do care what people think, that is why it’s so important that we surround ourselves with the right people. At the same time, we need to be secure enough in ourselves and confident enough to separate from anyone who tries to hold us back. When you find that the people in your life, your supporters and your cheerleaders are no longer serving that purpose, it may be time to find new friends. New people to build you up and encourage you. If the people you are around have difficulty encouraging you at your new level of success, seek out new people to enhance your new position. You can only go as far as the people around you.
People will either pull you up or pull you down. It’s crucial that you position yourself around those who are higher up than you and are not threatened by your success.
- Our identity is based in what we feel others will think about us.
- Some people live their whole lives for others.
- Some people’s entire identity is wrapped up in what someone else decides.
- Not talking about immorality or social faux pas, talking about being yourself.
- Approval Junkie
- We set people up to pull us back.
- People around us will sabotage us.
- People around us will actually jive with what we already think.
- Assertiveness is required.
- Need people around you who want you to succeed.
- Base life on opinions of others, those opinions fluctuate.
- People aren’t even thinking about you.
- Hallmark of narcissism to be overly concerned of what others think.
- Many times the things that “others think” about us is a figment of our imagination, a illusional mental construct. #dotjenna
- People will line up with what YOU believe about yourself.
- Not everyone will like you.
- Scriptures are important because they take you to a higher level.
- Ultimately, the majority of people will think the same thing that YOU believe about yourself. #dotjenna
- If you try to please everybody, you will be nobody. #dotjenna
- If you operate from your authentic, true self in fulfilling your God-given purpose, the people you touch will feel it & LOVE you. #dotjenna
We sabotage ourselves by allowing ourselves to be in the presence of people who are unsupportive of our success. #dotjenna
We train people around us sometimes to keep us stuck where we are. We surround ourselves with people who keep us down. #dotjenna
Our minds justify our lack-of-success by referring to others outside ourselves, so as to shift the blame and stay mediocre. #dotjenna
Immediate Family
Some of the people whom you allow to sabotage your success are immediate family members. People you cannot get rid of. Heaven forbid if the person holding you back is your spouse!
If there is someone holding you back who is very close to you, then you will have to shift your own mindset and recognize unsupportive and unaffirming comments and actions. You will have to ASSERT yourself in the situation and take a stand for your success. You will have to GROW. You will have to be willing to succeed against the odds, against the approval of others. This is the essence of being a whole person.
A true, lasting, healthy an whole relationship will tolerate this type of growth in each person. A good marriage will grow along with the success of both parties.
“The opinions of others are none of my business.”
1. Recognize when you are being overly dependent on the approval of others.
2. Seek your own heart.
3. Express your true self.
4. Assert yourself against opposition.
5. Seek out affirming people.
6. Reach for the stars!!!
